Typing's not as easy as it used to be....

About 2 or so months ago, i slammed my left pointer finger in a car door in a Burlington Coat Factory parking lot. Not slammed and it bounced off and i got a bruise, the car door shut completely and locked. It not being my car, i didn't have the keys to unlock it. My sister after hearing the sound i made when i realized what i'd done, immediatley rushed over with the keys and freed my finger. It happend in less than 20 seconds, but it felt like i was trapped there for a few minutes at the least. When i was finally set free and my finger released, i almost didn't dare look at the damage. But curiosity won out. My finger was a mottled purple streaked with red and blue. It was almost completely flat where the door had slammed it and i could no longer feel it. I was certain that it was broken. Instead of going to a doctor like i probably should have, i walked in to Burlington and helped my sister pick out a dress to wear to a relatives wedding. I don't know why i didn't insist that she take me to a hospital, because it occurred to me several times that i might need my precious finger amputated. I'm exceptionally grateful that the damage was not that serious. In fact i never even went in and got it looked at by a medical specialist. I Simply wrapped my finger in medical tape, cotton balls, and popcicle sticks. This i think is a testament to human will, or at the very least, my will. Or maybe my stupidity.... you see, I am a weakling. I bruise like a peach and yell out a hearty "ow" when someone taps my shoulder to get my attention. But on this occasion I thoughened up and went dress shopping while severly injured. Now, all the exterior wounds i sustained have healed and the only evidence of the event is a small scar that too, is slowly fading. But i didn't completely escape this travesty unscathed... the nerves surrounding the place of impact are screwed up. Any pressure put on the area result in a painful tingling followed by my entire finger going numb. Normally i don't notice, but today, i've done a lot of typing and my finger is starting to complain.  So i'm going to stop.

Work, work, work.

For those people who are unemployed, i feelyour pain.  Or i did.  A year to the day after i left my last job at a retirement home, i FINALLY found another job.  I left the previous job to go to college about 2 hours away, but after one semester decided i had better things to do.  So i moved back home in dec. and  had been looking for a job since when last month my brother in law, Adam, told me they were hiring for new positions at his office, where i now work as a "Customer Support Rep."  That's right, when you have a problem with an account or you just don't understand what it is your reading, you call me.  Now, after having been unemployed and doing pretty much nothing all day long, you'd think i'd enjoy having a real reason to actually get out of bed before 2 p.m.  And at first was so happy, but now, not so much.  I spend all day talking to people who are stressed, broke, and more often thannot, completely pissed off.  So, that makes me feel pissed of, which is a no-no because when i talk on the phone i need to sound happy.  When i'm not talking to the rudest people ever, i'm waiting to talk to the rudest people EVER!  So after only doing the job for two weeks, i'm ready to shoot myself.  I once worked at a radio station as a d.j. and it was the best time i ever had in my life.  However it was a college class and i did get college credit for it, but no actual dough, so that ended.  I've decided i really want a job where all i have to do is listen to music all day and try to make people life.  Or, better yet, i'd like to be making the music.  I used to sing all the time, and went on a music tour through europw singing with the Utah Ambassadors of Music.  So i'm assuming that i have at least a little talent.  I really just want to sing all night long!  Ya, ya, i know it's a little cheezy but doesn't everyone want to be a rockstar.  Personally, i think i would make a pretty good one if i got a hair cut and some new shoes.   

This is for you Emily...

I have a friend named Emily.  She's kind of always there.  Not in a bad, "why won't this chick leave me alone?" way.  It's more like she always knows when i need someone to talk to, someone to make me laugh, or even someone to just sit and eat dorritos with.  Anyway, Emily likes to blog.  And over the past few days she's mentioned that i should start blogging too.  So tonight, we were doing some work on the computer we decided to make me one.  If you're really out there reading and you're really that stupid, this is that blog.  So this is m first ever post.  And i have to say, simply typing all this out, and putting these events in to words (even if they go unread) is kind of liberating.  So, thanks Emily.


At this point in time, i'd like to explain my blogs name, or title, or headline. "Why can't life be great now, and not when?"  One day i sat thinking about how my life would be great when i lost a few pounds, when i got that job i wanted, or when i got the guy i thought was cute.  That was when i realized, that even if those things did happen, which some have thankyou very much, would my life really be so much better, or would i simply move on to the next "when's"?? eventually, the whens would become things like, when i get my degree, and when i get married, and when i start a family, (Which i see being very far into my future) would my life really be better? would my life actually mean more to me when i had the things and experiences that i wanted? or would it just be different.  I feel like when someone says "When...."  they may be looking optimistically to the future, but their also looking at that very moment with decidedly pessimistic overtones.  So, i've decided that my life is great now.  I may not drive a reallynice car, but at least the one i do have runs.  I may be living at home while my parents are going through a divorce, but at least i still have my parents and am saving considerably on rent.  Someday my life will change.  Not for the better, and not for the worse, because in reality who can tell one from the other.  You may lose your job but end up finding a better one that you actually like.  You could get that promotion you always wanted but miss all the times you could have been with your family.  I don't know what's good for me and what's not, so right now, i am content.  Well, content-ish, we'll need to see how tonight goes.  I'll let you know.