$100 pair of jeans

There's something to having a really good pair of jeans.  I don't know what that is, because i've never actually had a pair.  At this point in time i have two pairs of jeans, which cost me $16 combined.  But i really want a really nice, tailored (most jeans are way to long because i'm only 4'9") pair of jeans.  It's on my list of things i've always sort of wanted but was either to afraid to ask for, or couldn't afford by myself.  Things like an ipod, a digital camera, and a mani-pedi.  I have a sister, Kaylin, who has more clothes in her closet than i've had in the last ten years.  She has such a pair of jeans.  As does my other younger sister, Kenna.  My only older sister Brianne, has never shown interest in owning any item of clothing that costs more than a week of groceries.  I feel a little left out, because i DO want nice things like my sisters have (like ipods, digital cameras and mani-pedis) but i feel incredibly guilty for making my parents pay for anything that i want or need, no matter the cost.  Seeing as I'm about to turn 20 years old, i don't see that as a bad thing.  But even when i was 15 if i asked to buy clothes that cost more than $20 i was given a lecture on the value of a dollar.  Also, not necessarily a bad thing.  I've always sort of felt like the wayward child, the black sheep, the runt of the litter (literally).  But sometimes, like today, all i can think about is how i'm no where near as "deserving" as my sisters.  Not only am i the shortest one (Kenna who's 14 is taller than me, and has been since she was 11), but i'm also the fattest one, the socially awkward one, and the one who is the most plain in appearance.  I'm not saying that for pity, or for any of my friends that read this to tell me it's not true.  I can tell by the questions that people ask.  People always ask my sisters whether there's a special someone in their lives, a boy they have a crush on, or that has a crush on them.  I have never been asked that before.  Mostly i think because no one really thinks of me as having admirers when i stand next to Kaylin, who is gorgeous.  I don't really blame them because there never has been a guy.  I have only ever been on one date.  A blind double date with my friends cousin.  It didn't go well, and we never saw each other or tried to even mke contact again.  There have been comments and suggestions made by family and friends, but mostly my parents, about how i'm not as social as brianne, as stunnig as kaylin, or as pleasant as kenna.  They suggest how i can make my eyes bigger, or my stomach smaller, bribing me with various things to lose weight.  Money, vacations, and a really nice, tailored, $100 pair of jeans.  Once upn a time, i was thrilled at the prospect that i might receive such lavish gifts if i went down a few dress sizes, but not any more.  After my first few attempts to drop some lbs. i began to feel incredibly insulted that my parents were only willing to offer me the things my sisters get so easily if i lost weight.  It felt like i didn't deserve it.  Like i don't deserve any of it.  Love, happiness, and the ability to walk into a store like Buckle and not feel like an imposter.  Someday, i'm going to walk in, buy a pair of fantastic jeans that fit me better than any other pair of pants i have ever or may ever own, and i won't feel like i don't belong there.  I won't feel like a fat girl in a skinny persons world.  Someday i'll have purchased and earned a $100 pair of jeans, for me, and just me.  Not so my parents will treat me like they do my sisters, not so i can go on more dates, and not so i can be accepted by society in general.  And then, i'm going to burn them.