Fairytales and Divorce

If you've read some of my past posts you know that i am currently living at home while my parents are getting divorced.  This has led to serious issues, not just with how my parents view each other but with how i view them.  When you're young you idolize your parents.  They're not ordinary people, they are flawless.  As you get older you lose that wonderment and adoration for them, but they are still your parents and when you have a problem you go to them.  At least that's how it is in a perfect world, but that world does not exist.  I've come to not only hate the thought of being like either of them, but to also pitying the people they are.  For people who know my philosophical side, you know i don't believe in pity.  I find it a wasted emotion, that isn't worth the energy.  Most people, when they hear this are shocked and think me heartless towards those in need.  They think that i am blatantly tellin them i dislike giving to charity, or striving to help someone who cannot help themselves.  These people are mistaking pity with compassion.  When i say i don't believe in pity i am merely stating that when i see a person who has been afflicted with some sort of handicap or disability i do not see the point in thinking that person is better off.  I firmly believe that God is responsible for all our strife and misfortunes, not because he's forsaken us, or doesn't love us, but because he does.  Without lifes terrible moments we would be unable to appreciate the ones that are beautiful.  In a world without night, would you ever appreciate the sun?  So when a person is afflicted with a birth defect or a tragic accident leaving them injured or an amputee, i see it merely as a sign of that persons strength.  If God knows you can make it through this life without the use of your eyes then you can, i you don't need anyone to help you.  And that is why i don't believe in pity.  Except until i found out more about the people who raised me.  I fnd that i no longer idolize or even truly love either of my parents.  I respect them as people, and will always be greatful for the life they gave me, but if i never saw either of them again, i would not be upset.  I would miss them both occasionally and for different reasons, but i would not search them out.  My mother is a victim.  A victim of society, and of fate.  My father is alone.  The only one who really understands his pain is himself.  Both of them are addicts.  Addicted to drugs, alcohol, sarcasm, and pity.  Thinking back on my life, my parents were never really there.  They have helped me with money, they have helped me with school, but they have left me to discover love, life, and meaning of all things on my own.  I can see each of them, but they are on the other side of a pane of glass.  Focused within themselves and not within the family.  I now live life hoping someday that when the time comes when i do meet "prince charming" that his parents, siblings, and friends will welcome me into a life that i never really had.  A life where all of my trials are not MY trials, but OURS.  I want someone who can save me, and who i can help save in return.  Even though my parents are divorced and angry, i still believe in love and marriage.  Some people say that marriage is outdated and all it is is a piece of paper, but so is money.  Marriage has whatever value you give it.  So does love, and being a hopeless romantic who thrives on love songs and stories of overcoming adversity for that one person who fills in that hole you never knew was there, i am quite certain that one day, i will have it.  And, unlike my parents, i will never see it as anything less than what it is.  A miracle of two souls who despite life and tragedy, become Atlas for the other, supporting the world on their shoulders so that the other may be spared the burden.